Saturday, May 1, 2010
Every 5 minutes, we were checked. 5 minute checks, 10 minute checks, 15 minute checks. The doors were wide open and every night I would hear the footsteps of the nurses, and then feel the warm glow of their flashlights on my back. In 5 minutes, you couldn’t do much. For some girls, it was enough to scratch themselves till they bleed, for others it was just enough time to shower. For me, it was just enough time to stare out of the barred window and gaze at the outside world (or the parking lot of the hospital), and look at the sunlight sparkle through the trees. The problem with doing this while a nurse was present, is that they would most likely think I was a catatonic depressive or something along those lines. 5 minute checks. 10 minute checks. 15 minute checks. Checks. Footsteps. Flashlights. I enjoyed simply being alone, drawing or reading magazines and just being myself for once.